Writing emails to you all has got a whole heap more exciting this week because the christmas tree is up

Growing up in a house where the earliest we put the tree up was maybeee the 20th December, I started a new tradition as an adult-ish version of myself that I would put the tree up at the end of November because it actually takes a sodding long time and I don't think the effort is worth it to just be up for a week or so..

Plus, at 33 I need a lil extra joy and this year for one reason or another has ground my gears just a smidge

BUT I digress

My cute but gappy £20 facebook marketplace tree got me thinking about this time of year and how different I feel right now compared to even just 3 years ago

Up until 2021, Christmas for me meant the end of a fat loss phase

I was my skinniest self

In 2020 I was actually having to belt a pair of shorts that just in the summer wouldn't do up..

I had abs

I would have told you that I was thrilled with myself

With my discipline

With the fact that I wouldn't touch a mince pie until Christmas day because I didn't have the calories and I was working hard

it's really hard to fit in a mince pie on 1350 calories but we won't go there...

But if I really sit and look myself in the eye and make myself feel very uncomfortable.. I know I was dieting because something was missing in my life

I had very little self confidence

A whole heap of anxiety

And I thought that I really was better when I was smaller

TBH my outlook a few years ago was probably a lil like the Grinch...

“4:00, wallow in self-pity. 4:30, stare into the abyss. 5:00, solve world hunger, tell no one. 5:30, jazzercize; 6:30, dinner with me. I can't cancel that again. 7:00, wrestle with my self-loathing. I'm booked. Of course, if I bump the loathing to 9, I could still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness."

The realisation that I didn't want to hit another decade feeling the same levels of shite, living the same restrictive diet life, having all the anxiety about meals out with friends was what prompted a whole transformation

I stopped dieting

I stopped tracking

I took off my step tracker (okay that didn't last for more than 6 months but it counts)

And I got to work on acceptance

I won't sit here and lie and tell you I am not at all motivated by aesthetics, because I am, and the amount of botox in my forehead can tell you that.. But it's not my only thing now

And as a result of dieting less, I now have more band-width for work

I've doubled my business and then some

I'm more compassionate, more empathetic, more fierce and a better coach for my clients

And I'm far better at dealing with the fact that i will always have to size up in jeans to make way for the wagon and nothing is going to change that (:

Christmas won't get any better if you're a size smaller

Your family won't love you more because you never miss a workout

And you won't find extra joy in a mince pie if you don't eat it until the 25th because #discipline

These are your takeaways for today

And if you are where I was and you're feeling all levels of stuck in a festive dieting rut, please do reach out

This time of year can feel like a LOT so I have several ways to support you:

1. My free group don't dick about december is for all of you who need a lil routine, who don't want to hit the f*** it button and who want to start 2025 in a more peaceful way

2. My podcast covers tonnes of fitness/health/festive topics and this week's Q+A ep was a banger if I do say so myself

3. On instagram I am sharing as much as I can to support those of you who are feeling the nerves around christmas foods and want to create more mindfulness to actually enjoy them <3

Have a gorgeous weekend and don't ever let anyone tell you it's too early to put your Christmas tree up x

HB